Self Esteem and Physical Attractiveness

After making the blog rounds this morning, and reading a few posts on holiday parties, I’m thinking about self-esteem, particularly as it relates to an individual’s physical appearance. Exactly what is it about human beings that gives them a boost in the self image department when they are viewed as physically attractive?

Merely through my own observation, I have seen that individuals can be given multiple compliments on their intelligence and talents and they respond with appreciation to that, but in no way does this compare to the reaction elicited when an individual receives a compliment on, or attention due to their physical attractiveness. Even just getting a second glance from an individual at a nightclub or in the store seems to do wonders for people’s self image.

I’m wondering if this is something purely sociological in nature because we live in a world where physical beauty is so valued, or if there could be a biological basis to it as well. In the animal kingdom it is of course well documented that selection of a mating partner is at least partially based on physical “fitness” or attractiveness.

For human beings, I can only conclude the boost to self image must be a combination of sociological, psychological, and biological factors.

Sociological because we do live in a society that puts a heavy emphasis on physical attractiveness. Interesting that physical attractiveness is defined for us by big companies selling products and no matter how much people wish to deny the role that physical attractiveness plays in their thinking, companies are getting rich selling their products with a handsome guy or a beautiful girl.

Psychological because people want to feel valued, loved, and alluring to others. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t feel a boost when someone gives them a compliment on their appearance. Interesting though because for the most part, people are either taking pride in or suffering low self esteem about, something they had absolutely no role in creating for themselves.

Biological because human beings, like other species, do innately carry the instinct for procreation, and the confirmation of one’s physical attractiveness by someone else validates and boosts one’s “fitness” as a viable partner, thereby elevating one’s self image.

So does this mean human beings really are just shallow and superficial? Not in my opinion. Self esteem is based on many factors, not merely physical appearance. How we view ourselves is a product of all of our experiences from the time we are children to where we find ourselves as adults.

We are all beautiful in God’s eyes, and ultimately, that is the only thing that really matters.

Freedom of Speech

The first amendment to the United States Constitution reads as follows: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances. “

I am thinking about freedom of speech this morning. We certainly hear quite loudly in the news when someone feels their freedom of speech is in jeopardy. Most of us in the U.S. remember being taught in school that there are limitations to free speech with the classic example offered that an individual cannot yell “Fire” in a building (that is not on fire) and put individuals at risk and then expect to be protected by the first amendment to the Constitution.

But what kind of personal responsibility do we have in everyday life with regard to free speech, in our interactions with one another as human beings?

God gave us the free will to make choices for our own lives, and with that free will includes the freedom to say and do anything that comes to mind. With that freedom comes an awesome responsibility. Isn’t it therefore amazing how little thought we often give before exercising that free will? Foot in mouth disease is present in epidemic proportions.

So I’m thinking about how I choose to exercise the freedom of speech afforded me not only by my government, but more importantly by my God. I am reminding myself that my speech impacts those around me in ways I may not ever fully understand. I am reminding myself that with freedom comes responsibility. Responsibility to use my speech to build others up, love all human beings as children of God, be authentic and true to myself, and treat others as I want to be treated.

We have a responsibility to ourselves, those we love and who love us, and all human beings everywhere to practice our freedom of speech with care. Think before speaking — simple advice — not always simple to put into practice.

Assumptions

I hope everyone had a Merry/Happy Christmas and I am also reminded to remember, pray for, and continue to support the tsunami survivors as the world marks the one-year “anniversary” of the unspeakable loss and tragedy that occurred.

This morning I’m thinking about the danger of making assumptions about others based on a very limited amount of information available. We are all guilty of doing this on a daily basis, some it being pretty harmless, some of it not so inocuous.

We take one look at a person we pass on the street and we make assumptions about them. We assume by the way they are dressed and the way they look that they are either rich or poor, happy or sad, hostile or friendly, attractive or unattractive, etc. We may even make assumptions about them based on the color of their skin, their gender, how old they are, and a whole host of other attributes. All of this and we haven’t even spoken a word to them.

Our assumption making is not merely confined to those we don’t know, or don’t know well. We carry it forward in our interactions with people on a daily basis as well. Even people we believe we know very well are subjected to our assumptions about them. No matter how long we know a person, or how well we BELIEVE we know them, we can never possibly know everything about what drives their reactions and behavior in every circumstance. And even if we do have insight into that understanding in our most intimate relationships, we are not always as understanding or tolerant as we could or should be. We think only of how someone’s behavior affects US, and would do well to keep in mind that relationships work two ways.

We all have a desire to be understood, to be accepted, to be given the benefit of the doubt. And we all make mistakes with one another repeatedly.

Our reactions to others are influenced by so many factors — past and present hurts and weaknesses, mood on any given day, stress levels, physical discomforts, busy days, etc. And yet, we think we have someone all figured out based on a momentary encounter we have with him/her. And we hold them to that moment, and often times define them by it.

So where does that leave me with all this? Well, it isn’t that complicated. I am reminded to check the assumptions I may be making about people carefully BEFORE reacting and making an evaluation. On the flip side, I am also reminded to think carefully about my own reactions, what may be driving them, and how they may appear to others BEFORE reacting. A helpful reminder for the day.

Make someone’s day — wish them a Merry Christmas

On my usual visit to the supermarket yesterday to get something for dinner, feeling tired and worn out and not at all carrying much Christmas spirit, I had a momentary encounter which confirmed for me once again that it really doesn’t take very much effort to make someone’s day.

I exited my car, locked the door, and made the familiar trek to the supermarket entrance. I was pretty tired yesterday, and it definitely showed. My head was down looking at the ground as I walked, every step feeling like a huge effort. I looked up and I saw a very dapper young man walking out of the market carrying a lovely floral centerpiece. Dressed up as he was, I assumed he was probably heading for a Christmas party and I sort of grinned at the comparison to how I must have looked in my sweats and ponytail.

So as he approached my general direction he smiled a huge beautiful smile, said hello, and wished me a Merry Christmas. I returned the smile and the greeting and wished him a Merry Christmas as well. Simple as that. A very brief moment in time that left me renewed for the day with a genuine sense of Christmas joy.

I realized in that moment that to see this exchange as something so unusual in today’s world says a lot about where we are headed as a society. Everyone is so wrapped up in their own busy schedule, their own life issues, and their own head that they have walled themselves off from friendship, fellowship, and giving of themselves, the very things most fulfilling to us as human beings.

So in the middle of the stress we all seem to create for ourselves at Christmastime, let’s all take a moment to offer a greeting and a Merry Christmas to one another. It doesn’t take any time at all. You might just make someone’s day.

Merry Christmas to All … Everyone Everywhere

A friend sent me this. No matter where you are in the world this holiday season, I wish you a Merry, Blessed Christmas.

Afrikaner [Afrikaans]
“Gese?nde Kersfees”

Arabic
“Milad Majid” OR “Milad Saeed”

Argentine
“Feliz Navidad”

Armenian
“Shenoraavor Nor Dari yev Pari Gaghand”

Bohemian
“Vesele Vanoce”

Brazilian Portuguese
“Feliz Natal”

Briton
“Nedeleg laouen na bloavezh mat”

Bulgarian
“Tchestita Koleda” OR “Tchestito Rojdestvo Hristovo”

Cambodian
“Soursdey Noel”

Chinese [Mandarin]
“Sheng Dankuai Le”

Chinese [Cantonese]
“Sing Daan Faai Lok”

Cornish
“Nadelik Lowen”

Croatian
“Sretan Bozic”

Czech
“Velike Vanoce”

Danish
“Gl?delig Jul”

Dutch
“Vrolijk Kerstfeest”

English [American]
“Merry Christmas”

English [Australian]
“‘Ave a bonza Chrissy, Mate”

English [UK]
“Happy Christmas”

Esperanto
“Gojan Kristnaskon”

Estonian
“Roomsaid Joulu Puhi”

Farsi
“Christmas-e-shoma mobarak bashad”

Faroese
“Gle?ilig J?l”

Filipino
“Maligayang Pasko”

Finnish
“Hauskaa Joulua”

French
“Joyeux No?l”

Frisian
“Noflike Krystdagen en in protte Lok en Seine yn it Nije Jier”

Gaelic
“Nollaig Shona Dhuit”

German
“Froehliche Weihnachten”

Greek
“Kala Christouyenna”

Hawaiian
“Mele Kalikimaka”

Hebrew
“Mo’adim Lesimkha. Chena tova”

Hindi
“Shub Badadin”

Hungarian
“Kellemes Karacsonyi unnepeket”

Icelandic
“Gledileg Jol”

India
“Tamil Nadu - Christmas Vaazthukkal “

Indonesian
“Selamat Hari Natal”

Iraqi
“Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah”

Irish
“Nollaig Shona Duit”

Italian
“Buon Natale”

Japanese
“Meri Kurisumasu”

Klingon
“QISmaS Quch Daghajjaj”

Korean
“Sung Tan Jul Chuk Ha”

Latvian
“Prieci’gus Ziemsve’tkus un Laimi’gu Jauno Gadu”

Lithuanian
“Linksmu Kaledu”

Malay
“Selamat Hari Natal dan Tahun Baru”

Maltese
“Il-Milied it-tajjeb”

Maori
“Meri Kirihimete”

Navajo
“Ya’at’eeh Keshmish”

New Guinea Pidgin
“Meri Christmas”

New Zealand
“Happy Christmas”

Norwegian
“Gledelig Jul”

Pennsylvania German
“En frehlicher Grischtdaag”

Peru
“Felices Fiestas” OR “Feliz Navidad”

Polish
“Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia”

Portuguese
“Feliz Natal”

Punjabi
“Hacahi Ke Eide”

Rumanian
“Sarbatori Fericite”

Russian
“S Rozhdestvom Kristovym”

Serbian
“Hristos se rodi”

Slovakian
“Sretan Bozic” OR “Vesele vianoce”

Samoan
“Manuea le Karisimasi”

Scots Gaelic
“Nollaig chridheil huibh”

Slovak
“Vesele Vianoce. A stastlivy Novy Rok”

Slovene
“Srecen Bozic”

Spanish
“Feliz Navidad”

Swahili
“Heri ya Krismasi”

Swedish
“God Jul”

Tagalog [Philippines]
“Maligayang Pasko”

Tahitian
“Ia ora’na no te noere”

Telugu
“Santhasa Krismas”

Thai
“Suksan Christmas”

Turkish
“Noeliniz Ve Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun”

Ukrainian
“Z Rizdvom Krystovym” OR “Veselogo Rizdva”"

Urdu [Pakistan]
“Shadae Christmas”

Uzbek
“Yangi Yiligiz Mubarak Bolsun”

Vietnamese
“Chuc Mung Giang Sinh”

Welsh
“Nadolig Llawen”

Leave the painkillers alone . . .

According to the Chicago Tribune, “Cigarette smoking is at its lowest level in a survey of teenagers and usage of illicit drugs has been declining, but continuing high rates of abuse of prescription painkillers remain a worry, the government reported Monday. In the study, 9.5 percent of 12th graders reported using the painkiller Vicodin and 5.5 percent reported using OxyContin in the past year. Long-term trends show a significant increase in the abuse of OxyContin among 12th graders from 2002 to 2005. Also of concern is the significant increase in the use of sedatives and barbiturates among 12th graders since 2001.”

In addition to being concerned over the devastating cost of drug abuse to our society, I admit to a concern that is much more personal with regard to individuals who abuse prescription painkillers. When you are an individual who suffers with chronic pain, working out a pain management program with your physician is an essential part of your treatment. Part of that pain management program usually requires a program of prescription painkillers.

Because of selfish individuals who make the choice to abuse prescription painkillers, it is becoming increasingly more difficult for individuals who need these medications as part of a treatment regimen for their pain to obtain them. Doctors are becoming increasingly hesitant to prescribe OxyContin in particular and pharmacists are becoming leery about filling the prescription when it is written.

So those who suffer in pain have to pay the consequences for individuals who choose to abuse prescription painkillers. Nice kick in the teeth. You want to destroy your body through drug abuse? That is your choice. Go ahead and engage in your own self destruction without inflicting more pain on those who least deserve more pain in their lives. Go back to your street drugs. Leave the prescription painkillers alone.

I am reminded . . .

“Then Peter went up to him and said, ‘Lord, how often must I forgive my brother if he wrongs me? As often as seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘Not seven, I tell you, but seventy times seven times.’ ” - Matthew 18:21-22

“Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. “

Matthew 5:3-11

Christians — Really?

When you meet someone new and you find out fairly early on in your meeting that he/she is a Christian, what is your initial impression? The very first thing that comes to your mind. Is your gut reaction a judgment that this person must be a very loving, compassionate, nonjudgmental, forgiving human being? Or is your impression something else? Maybe you actually feel a little afraid or even decide to write that person off all together at that moment. You may make some assumptions about that person based on what you see all too often from those you have met before who identify themselves with Jesus Christ.

I always reflect on Jesus as a human being during this time of year, more so than at any other time, perhaps because it is the time we celebrate his birth — his birth as a human being.

I wonder if we as Christians are really representing His ministry to the world in an accurate way. I see a lot of hostility in Christians. I see a lot of hypocrisy. I see anger, judgmentalism, sometimes even hatred. How is it possible to claim the light of Christ in your heart with attitudes so inconsistent with His life and ministry? He suffered and died for us. I’ll say it again. He suffered and died for us. We have a responsibility to honor His sacrifice by representing Him authentically and accurately every day of our lives.

I must confess there have been times in my life when I don’t want to admit I’m a Christian. Horrible huh? Lord, please forgive me.

If Jesus were here today, would he believe the majority of Christians are representing His life and His message accurately and authentically? I wonder.

It is like a knife through my heart when I repeatedly see and hear the same themes of self-righteousness, hypocrisy, hostility and vengeance — our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ had none of those qualities and yet they seem more and more prevalent among those who claim to follow Him.

As Christians, we must remind ourselves of the responsibility we share in declaring ourselves as such. We have a responsibility each and every day to be humble servants and bring His message of love, hope, healing, compassion, and forgiveness to a hurting and broken world — to be Christians — in the true sense of the word.

So today I ask myself as I do every day — am I representing Christ the way He would want me to? What can I do better? What can I improve? How can I carry His light with me everywhere and to everyone so that when people learn I am a Christian, they are comforted, not frightened; they are turned on, not turned off; they are inspired, not downcast.

I pray for His wisdom, His guidance, His strength, His love, His peace, and His healing. I pray that I am able to make Him proud that I am His child.

Pearl Harbor Day

Not many words today. There are some places every American should visit at least once in their lifetime. Pearl Harbor is one of them. There is no was to adequately describe the emotions that swell inside when you visit this site. I will never forget it. I share some of my photos with you. I pray for peace.