A candle’s beams

“How far your candle throws its beams.” William Shakespeare

I often contemplate with awe the fact that each of us as human beings is born with a unique set of gifts and talents and none of us is exactly like another human being who has ever lived. I believe we each have a responsibility to one another to share those gifts with others and the world so we may each leave this earth a little better than when we arrived. Too many times we allow our own hurt to sow the seeds of bitterness in our hearts and decide to merely get by in life and look out for number one. What we don’t realize, however, is that by hiding our light from the world, we not only rob the world and those in it whose lives we could touch with our gifts, we also cheat ourselves, those we love, and God because we limit our capacity to reach our full potential.

Each of us is wired with the internal desire to reach our full potential. Psychologists often refer to this as self actualization. The gifts and talents we possess are the engine that drives this desire toward self actualization. We are all unique and carry within us a divine spark, and we all have an important contribution to make to the lives of others. Our gifts, along with the attitude to use them and not hide and protect them out of fear, are the only credentials we need.

I am thinking of ways I limit myself out of my own hurt, fears and feelings of self protection. I am also thinking of areas where I can lengthen my reach, better share my gifts, and expand my candle’s beams.

Work

I am reflecting this morning on my employment history and remembering jobs I have found fulfilling and jobs I have not. I am thinking about what made those jobs I enjoyed fulfilling and what factors created dissatisfaction in the jobs I didn’t.

There appears to be a shortage of individuals nowadays who are truly feeling fulfillment when it comes to the work they do. Given the number of hours we devote to working throughout our lifetime, it seems a tragedy that so many individuals are just getting through the day waiting for it to end. And it seems that even those individuals who have found a way to make a living doing what they love, they often lose their passion for it when it becomes their work rather than play.

We may feel dissatisfied with the work we are doing, feel the stress put on us by what we perceive to be unreasonable bosses, suffer through inevitable and seemingly endless office politics, have fear of losing the very job we are so dissatisfied with, and feel we don’t have enough free time for restoration and rejuvenation. The stress of paying bills, making our way in the world, supporting families, and planning for a future retirement can leave us in jobs we do not enjoy and create feelings of meaningless, unrest, dissatisfaction, and lowered self esteem.

While it may not always be possible to immediately change circumstances when it comes to employment it is important for those dealing with job dissatisfaction to create goals and attitudes that will improve the situation in the long term, and restore the sense of hope for something different.

While our roles as workers in society are important, and ideally work is an avenue through which we can gain a sense of fulfillment, the role of worker does not define our worth as human beings. Who we are, what makes us each special, is intrinsic to every one of us and is not defined by the roles we play. Rather, it is the opposite. We bring who we are, our talents, our divine spark, and our character to the roles we play in our lives. It is a mistake, therefore, to allow employment dissatisfaction to define our attitudes about life and affect our identity and sense of worth.

The attitude we bring to any employment situation will affect how we accept the challenges we face at work, how we handle the stresses we feel there, and whether we can find a sense of inner fulfillment. Even in the worst employment situation, we always have ourselves, first and foremost, and we always have a choice about the attitude we bring to it.

Past, Present, and Future

As human beings we are blessed with a complex brain that provides us the capability to imagine things as big as the stars, quite literally. We have figured out how to go into space, how to transplant one person’s heart into the chest of another to save a life, build amazing structures, solve complex problems, create stunning pieces of art, and with all of that we continue to imagine bigger and better and more complex achievements.

Being blessed with such a complex brain also brings a number of challenges to our lives. One such challenge I am thinking of today is how the choices we make in the present are so frequently influenced by both our past and our future. Our brain has the amazing capability to bring long-term memories of the past into the present, and the ability to project ourselves far into the future. For most of us, this is both a blessing and a curse.

Too often we bring past hurts and disappointments into the present, and we also allow worries about the future to influence our choices in the present. We spend a great deal of time in both the past and the future and I wonder how much of the present is being sacrificed as a result.

The wisdom that comes with experience can certainly be positively applied to the present and certainly should be but too many times we allow past hurt to determine present attitudes and we make negative assumptions about present outcomes based on past experiences.

On the other side, it is also wise to plan for the future and set goals for our lives. Again, though, it seems that many of us instead allow worries about the future to impede our present choices and affect them negatively. Taken to an extreme we may also make assumptions about future outcomes, bringing our past hurt into our future, and decide it isn’t worth the effort in the present because we already believe we know the outcome.

I am thinking of the ways I have allowed past disappointments to influence my present choices and how my worries about the future are affecting my goals and my dreams in the present. My focus is on bringing the wisdom of the past to my present decision making, and allowing my goals for the future to inject enthusiasm and excitement into each day.

Spending Time

There are times in my life when I have met someone and immediately upon that meeting I feel grateful there are people like that in this world. I may never have occasion to meet that person again but somehow feel touched in some profound way and it makes me feel secure and happy just to know that person exists.

I am remembering a very dear friend from my childhood who was just such an individual. She was a very close friend of mine at the age of 9. She was so purely kind that anyone who met her couldn’t help but love her as soon as they met her. She was an old wise soul in the body of a child. My dear friend was taken away by cancer and died at the age of 9. This little girl touched so many lives in so little time and changed the world forever in her short time on this planet.

I think today about the blessing of time and how much of it is wasted, squandered, and taken for granted. I am thinking about the legacy my friend left me and how much I desire to carry her spirit of kindness with me throughout my life. I am reminding myself of the gift of time and thinking of ways I can use it more responsibly and with greater respect. Now is now. A moment in time to be appreciated, savored, and spent wisely.

Get More Stress

You know those little gift books at the front of the bookstore that they put there while you are waiting in line to encourage impulse buying? Well, I succumbed. I couldn’t help myself. This little satirical piece made me laugh out loud in the store. It is called “The Little Book of Stress. Calm is for wimps. Get real. Get Stressed.” The author is Rohan Candappa. From the foreword, “The simple teachings I have collected in this little book show you how to increase the level of stress both within you and those around you.”

Here is a sampling from this little gem of a book.

• Find out when your friends’ favorite TV program is on. Then call them seven minutes after it starts.
• On the way out of a movie, if there is a line waiting to go in, discuss the ending in a loud voice with your friend.
• When out driving, if you see an opportunity to box someone in by parking too close to them, seize it.
• Eat less fresh food. Eat more things containing preservatives. Preservatives are called preservatives because they help you live longer.
• Take credit for successes that have nothing to do with you.
• If you are stressed, make sure you communicate this to those around you. Soon they’ll be stressed too.
• Stockpile memories of things that really depress you. Remember them, relive them, reflect on them. Fit them into your daily routine.
• At work, never forget that any initiative that comes from management is really a well-disguised way of getting you to work more for less money.
• Deal with bureaucracies as often as you can. Bureaucracies are the foundation of stress creation.
• Write down your worries. Read the list before you go to bed.
• Take offense early. It saves time.
• When using an ATM try out every transaction possible. But only if there are people behind you.

And of course, the jewel in the crown:
• Never cry. Crying is a sign of weakness. In fact, only sissies cry. It is far better to bottle up your unhappiness inside you where it can grow like a giant fungus deep within a rotting tree stump.

Measuring self worth

Isn’t it amazing how many of us measure our worth as human beings by what we accomplish or achieve rather than who we are? What kind of job we have, how much money we make, how many promotions we achieve, what awards we have received — it is all given so much importance. But how much value do we place on who we are as human beings? Do we value those things inside of us that make us unique with the same sense of satisfaction as those things we accomplish or achieve?

I think it is important to remember that it is who we are that affects what we do, not the other way around. Our measure as human beings is not determined by our list of accomplishments, but rather by who we are. In my life I measure myself by traits such as kindness, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, and love far more than anything I have ever accomplished. Furthermore, it is these very traits that direct my actions and therefore impact my accomplishments.

I am reminded today that the measure of a person is not about what is accomplished or achieved. The true measure of a human being lies deep within each individual.

Sharing Feelings

It is a funny thing about human beings that somehow it is unacceptable to talk about feelings with one another. It makes us uncomfortable to discuss how we are feeling with others because we feel vulnerable when exposing our hearts to each other.

We all share the same emotions as human beings and so we all come from a place of shared experience with one another. Yet there is something inside of us that believes discussing how we are feeling is not permissible. We have the notion that sharing our feelings makes us appear weak. The only emotion that seems so freely shared nowadays is anger, and that is usually not shared with others but rather inflicted upon them.

Anything that is part of the human experience can be (and I would argue is meant to be) shared with another. Keeping our feelings of sadness, fear, and hurt inside actually makes these feelings bigger, more overwhelming, and more upsetting. Sharing these feelings with those we trust honors them and helps us realize we are not alone in our pain.

Keeping our love and happiness inside and feeling afraid to share it robs us and those who could benefit from the connection of a great deal of healing and joy.

I am not a person who has trouble sharing feelings with others. In fact, I quite literally wear my heart on my sleeve and freely share it and give it to others. While this has on occasion opened me to hurt from those I have wrongly placed my trust in, I wouldn’t want to be any other way. I have experienced connections with people that have brought me such immense joy and fulfillment in my life that any momentary hurt encountered seems quite minimal in the grand scheme of a lifetime.

Sharing our feelings with one another does not make us weaker but rather makes us stronger as we feel the connection of commonality of the human experience and we know we are not alone.

Dreams

When we are children, most of us dream really big dreams for our lives. How many of us can remember dreaming of becoming an astronaut, a movie star, a sky diver, having adventures like hunting for buried treasure or traveling to exotic places? Our imagination as children knew no boundaries and had no limits.

Then we grow up and we become adults. The realities and responsibilities of adulthood encroach upon us and suddenly it seems as if many of us stop dreaming. Things like fear of failure, paying bills, job responsibilities, relationship responsibilities, etc., seem to kill our capacity for dreaming the big dreams. While it is certainly not realistic to believe everyone who ever dreamed of being an astronaut will become one, I do believe that our capacity to dream big dreams and set big goals is something we should work to keep alive in our lives.

We are really only limited by our own vision. Maybe the key is to return to our childlike wonder when looking at the world. Let us remember back to what it was like to be a child seeing things for the very first time. Let’s start thinking big again and allow our spirit the opportunity to dream, to reach for the stars, and to reach our full potential for our lives.

I am thinking today about my dreams for my life, how they have changed from the past, and what new dreams I may open myself up to if I just allow my vision and my imagination the creativity and freedom to soar.

Transitions

Throughout the human lifespan we are constantly undergoing transitions, periods of growth and change. Some transitions are seemingly trivial, others more profound in the impact they have on our lives. As infants we enter life completely dependent on our parents for our every need. From the moment we are born we are on a journey that will involve transitions until the final transition into eternity.

Some transitions involve concrete actions taken in the course of living our lives. Examples include taking our first steps, our first day of school (a transition not only for us but for our parents), graduating from school and from our families, entering college, getting married, having children, retiring from work, etc. These are all profound transition events that bring with them growth and development and perhaps even some trepidation.

Transitions, however, also occur within each one of us. As we travel the journey of life we are continually growing and maturing, gaining new experiences, meeting new people, seeing new places, experiencing joys and heartaches, and simply going through the aging process. The collection of all of these factors taken together affects the individual we grow and change into over the course of a lifetime.

Transitions bring with them a mixed bag of emotions. We are excited about the growth and the sense of possibility and renewal they bring into our lives. As creatures of habit we may also be frightened by the prospect of change and the unknown. We may also grieve for what we are leaving behind as we transition into something new. There are even many times when we resist the transition for fear of the change that it may mean for our lives. How many children do you see crying on their first day of school because of the realization of a profound life change coming their way?

I am reminding myself today of transition. I’m remembering transitions I have already been through, thinking about transitions I am currently undergoing, and embracing the possibilities those transitions may present for my life. As my journey of self discovery, life experience and learning continues, I realize that life’s classroom has a lot to teach all of us. I hope I’m up for the challenge.

Gifts

Each one of us as human beings is endowed with gifts that make us unique and special in God’s eyes. One of our responsibilities in this life is to discover and nurture these gifts and recognize how valuable each one of us is. Every one of us is unique. There has never been another person exactly like us before, and there will never be another person exactly like us again. The gifts that we have each been given are a sacred trust requiring cultivation, and are meant to be shared.

Many of us struggle to discover who we really are and how we can live a life that has purpose and meaning. Sometimes we may even wonder if we have anything worthwhile to offer. It is during these times that we must remember that as part of God’s creation, each one of us is special and uniquely equipped with His loving gifts. In remembering this, we can recognize that the struggle is well worth the effort it takes to create a meaningful and fulfilling life.

Dwelling deep within ourselves exists a spark of light, of divinity, waiting to be used by us to light up the world. It is our choice whether to share that light with the world or to simply snuff it out.